I am wondering what to wear to Macon, Georgia. I am going to something called a “Macon Whoopee” to accept an award for this blog (I know, right? See below…), and it poses a bit of a challenge. Having now announced to the world that I have been on Weight Watchers™ for close to a year, I am expected to look like an “after” picture. Sorry world, I am decidedly not yet the “after” picture. Though I am looking a lot better than my “before” pictures (which I have carefully destroyed), I am still the size—even larger than the size—of many other peoples’ “befores.”
Don’t ask me to share my numbers either. The common notation for online weight sharers is OW/CW/GW, where OW is their Original Weight, CW is their Current Weight, and GW is their Goal Weight. It might look like this: 175/150/137. Mine reads like this: NOYB/NOYB/NOYB, where NOYB is None of Your Business. My NOYB policy makes me ineligible to enter Dr. Oz’s Transformation Nation contest, unable to be the cover story of a ladies’ magazine, and an untrustworthy commenter on weight loss message boards.
Still, I am reveling in the fact that my “Little” Black Dress now fits me like a nightgown. (“Whoopee!”) I have been walking around, looking like a Peanuts character, with baggy shirts, pants, and undies. So what will I wear? My usual black on black, with groovy low-heeled black boots? Decidedly not Georgian. And not a good choice for 90-degree weather. Do I buy something in a pass-through size?
I know the Georgia look, having faithfully watched every episode of “Say Yes to the Dress, Atlanta” on TLC. The ladies are all so feminine and deliciously sassy, and they know how to rock the lipstick and pumps. When I took my child on a college visit to the Savannah College of Art and Design, I developed a lady crush on the admissions counselor. She wore a crisp white blouse, a high-waisted pencil skirt and red high heels. That’s the kind of look I’d go for. I’d change the crisp blouse into an evening chemise, wear pearls, carry a cardigan, and I’d be set. The problem is, I can’t walk in heels. Never could. Even at my wedding, I wore 1-inch granny pumps. My shape doesn’t do well in a pencil skirt either. A pre-school jumbo crayon, maybe. And my hair? More Roseanne Roseannadanna than Reese Witherspoon.
Oh, wait. I think I have an appropriate dress ensemble from when I was “on my way up” to the highest NOYB weight, and I may be back down around there. Dress taken care of. Next thought: what will they be serving at the banquet?! I can’t wait. Whoopee!
Here is the link to the announcement of the finalists: http://www.columnists.com/?p=14210