My 2012 weight loss got a great kick-start, thanks to a head cold that appeared on January 2 and conveniently attacked my intestines for a couple of days. I couldn’t have planned it better. I did have a fever for two days and some distressing belly cramps – just enough to kill my appetite for a good 5 days and send me sashaying into the Weight Watcher’s meeting a number of pounds lighter. After those 5 days, I was starting to believe that a) I will always have a dull headache – bleccch…BUT that b) I will forever have a diminished appetite – hooray!
It was a joy to feed the kids – I couldn’t smell the french fries. It was a joy to go to work—I didn’t start popping up like a gopher and begin rooting around for lunch at 11:20 in the morning. I was too sick to do housework or paperwork, so I was ordered by my family to go to bed and watch the wedding shows on TLC. By the 7th day, this past Monday, I really thought that I could live like this forever. My fever was gone and, although it felt like there was a chipmunk running around in my midsection, I was otherwise feeling okay. I started dreaming about how quickly I would melt down a few sizes and need to buy smaller and smaller clothes. I rehearsed my victory speech: “Oh, yes, I’ve been working at it. I kicked it up a notch this January. No, I didn’t do a lick of exercise. The weight just fell off….” I would be the miracle story (results not typical) on the front cover of Weight Watcher’s magazine, with a new haircut and makeup, and a maroon wrap dress to show off my whittled waist. I valiantly survived Tuesday’s all-day offsite work meeting, with its non-stop sumptuous buffet of conference center culinary wonders.
Then on Tuesday evening—damnit—I began to feel like myself again. My intestinal cramps were gone, my appetite came back, and my nostrils started flaring in delight at the Chinese food we brought in for dinner. I stopped dreaming about weight melting off and instead began contemplating that I might need to double up on my intake to make up for lost time. I’m fully recovered and back to the battlefield, hungry as a horse, lazy as a cat, and wily as a coyote.